So it’s really not news anymore. I like smileys and emoticons.

There is a way the surprised smiley just amuses me. With those wide open eyes and mouth, you can’t but fall in love with it. And then those lashes on the eyelash smiley…you just wanna succumb to whatever persuasions it is used for.
A personal favorite is the sarcastic smiley. How i love how it catches your lie, and the near-stupid feeling it gives you if it does its job right. And how about the cool smiley? you know, I’ve always wondered how it is that just by twitching your mouth to a side makes you look cool, even in reality. (I see you trying it. Don’t stop now, I see you already!)

With the introduction of these smileys, alot of things have become easier. For example, if i need to tell you that I’m not really interested in what you are saying, but I don’t want it to seem rude, all i need to do is give you the ‘uninterested smiley’. I expect us to laugh over it and then change the topic. It actually works, believe me.

Or, peradventure I sense you are going off point and I don’t seem to get you, i really dont have to go through the rigours of saying ‘Please come again’ or ‘I don’t get this’. All i need do is give you the ‘huh?’ smiley and you’ll be fine. You see how easy life has become?

But then, there are some real life experiences that i have seen in recent times. These ones really deserve a smiley award. Or two. I’ll mention a few:

Scenario 1#
You have just been landed a huge sum of money. There are very few feelings as awesome as what you feel right now. Yes, you are a big boy. So your shoulders suddenly start growing, right above your head (haba!), and it’s gradually heading towards the sky (surprised smiley) till it just can’t come down (can’t watch smiley). It has become permanently high and you begin to ‘show yourself’ (eye-rolling smiley), treating every as though they are now beneath you. Then one good day, you find this cool online business and you sign up for it, hoping to double your money, or probably triple it (i dunno smiley). You send out the bulk of the money and after a while, you realise that your money is gone and you have been duped. (tongue out smiley). The shoulders start to sag, and now you start looking around for those your ‘homeboys’ you were dissing when the money was around (raised eyebrow smiley). No condition is permanent, my dear. Treat people right. (straight face smiley)

Scenario 2#
Just because you read some article on the internet that says someone or something is good or bad, you down it gullibly, into the oesophagus of your mind. (huh? smiley) You start saying it everywhere, it has become your belief (whew smiley). You go to even public circles and say it so people can think you are smart, or that yo have an opinion (nerd smiley). Soon enough, you say it in a place and it gets you into trouble. Or maybe not. Maybe it actually changes people’s good perception of you (sad smiley), or maybe after a while you realise it was entirely false and you really should have taken that opinion with a grain of salt. You feel embarassed and disappointed (embarrased smiley). People’s thoughs are people’s thoughts, irrespective of where you found them. Until you have verified the reliability of a piece of information, don’t take it as your own. A thought can only become your opinion when it has a good track record of truth..and even then, it still has to be properly thought through.

Scenario 3#
It’s your graduation party. Yaaaay! (party smiley). Everyone is happy and jumping for joy (big smile smiley) Ehn…azonto tinzzz…etighi tinzzz…awilo longomba…(dacing smiley), and oh did i forget to mention that there is an overflowing of drinks (beer smiley) and wine (wine smiley), alongside some isiewu and nkwobi (dine). You party till the dead of the night (evil smiley), and now that everyone is drunk (sick smiley), there’s no one to drive you home.LA your good friend suddenly offers to drive (confused smiley). You try to question him, he says he’s sober (wink smiley). you give him the keys and hop into the vehicle, terribly craving for your bed and a good night’s sleep (yawn smiley). LA, unknown to you, has had a few drinks too and is a bit drowsy. Then, while trusting him with your life (angel smiley), he dozes off on the wheels, and lands you both in a ditch.(thumbs down smiley). You break your legs (crying smiley) and can’t walk for another twelve months. I’m so sorry, please take your life more seriously next time.

Scenario 4#
He keeps coming around, and now you have fallen for him. (love struck smiley) He’s always there and has given everyone the impression that you are his, even you has bought it (heart smiley). Then after three solid years of undefined affection, he says he has some good news and hands you his IV. You stand in utter shock as you realise he’s actually getting wedded to someone who isn’t you. You are embittered (angry smiley) and heart broken (broken-heart smiley). You promise never to love again (run smiley) and you refuse to be friends with anyone anymore (talk-to-the-hand smiley)…Awwwwnn…I’m so sorry darling. Maybe you should’ve asked him to define it from the beginning. However, the deed is done, life must move on. Please, trust again. There’s definitely someone out there you can love again (smile smiley)

…Have a smiley day, people…